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Well, folks, the countdown is on. Less than two weeks until we are blessed, truly #blessed, to welcome All Good Music Festival back to the east coast and its home state of West Virginia. I could sit here and write in list journalism the reasons you should go to the best music festival in the country this summer, but, seriously, how cliche is that? List journalism? Too easy. So instead, let’s discover together if you’re the kind of person who should attend All Good Music Festival in at Berry Hill Farm in Summit Point, West Virginia, July 9-11.

…in list form and with repetition because I learned it in a public speaking course one time…

1. Do NOT attend if you hate the Grateful Dead. Well, first stop reading this site and never come back. THEN, just stay away from All Good. Between Dark Star Orchestra and Joe Russo’s Almost Dead featuring Marco Benevento and Tom Hamilton, you’re going to be treated to of the very best in Grateful Dead cover bands. These guys aren’t just cover bands, they’re incredibly talented and accomplished musicians in their own right.

2. Do NOT attend if stringed instruments make your skin crawl. Seriously. Guitars, bass, fiddles, violins, violas, banjos, mandolins… if you don’t like pickin, strummin, or slappin, much less rockin, jammin, or groovin, stay away. This is not for you.

3. Do NOT attend if you don’t like horny, funky music. If you’re just not ready to get funked up, avoid All Good at all costs. Turkuaz, Lettuce, and The Motet would totally ruin your weekend.

4. Do NOT attend if you enjoy going to festivals where you miss one set from one of your favorite bands because you’re running across festival grounds to try to catch another one of your favorite bands. If conflicts are your thing, All Good is gonna bum you out because there aren’t any. If you think having only two stages playing back to back sets from noon to the wee hours of the morning so as to allow attendees to catch every note is just too much of a burden, you’re gonna have a bad time.

5. Do NOT attend if you prefer to spend countless hours driving even though your buddy Clay said he’d help drive and then promptly slept the entire eight hour drive. This festival is too close for you. 90 minutes west of Baltimore? Way too convenient, right? Gahd… who thinks of these things?

6. Do NOT attend if you absolutely cannot stand the friendliest festival neighbors you’ve ever met in your life. If you think people with smiles on their faces are just the worst, go to a different festival. All the positive vibes may actually be bad for your health.

7. Do NOT attend if you believe in the phrase “Nothing good ever happens after midnight.” At All Good, it’s all good well after midnight with music going until 3 AM with late night acts like STS9, Thievery Corporation, and Lotus.

8. Do NOT attend if you prefer mediocre music with insanely unnecessary elaborate stage production to incredible mind-blowing musical performances. The stage production and lighting at All Good are great, but you won’t find any completely ridiculous and massive over the top LED structures. If you’re into that, skip All Good. Who cares about the music if the stage was sick, brah?

9. Do NOT attend if you hate improvisation. Oh man, if you’re one of those type-A people who needs structure and hates surprises… If you’re the kind of person who just wants your favorite band or artist to just casually play through their hits like they’re just playing a studio album, All Good will be a nightmare. Why would anyone ever want to rip solos or have improv jams or take chances and get creative? Sounds awful.

And finally…

10. Do NOT attend if you hate fun. My god. If you don’t want to have the best time of your life while enjoying sets from Cake, Primus, moe., John Butler Trio, Keller Williams, and so many more, not to mention make incredible friends and have not a care in the world for three days straight, please, stay at home and work. You’ll have a much better time.

Okay, in case you couldn’t tell, we’re pretty big fans of All Good here. In fact, personally, out of the dozen or so music festivals I’ve covered and reviewed in the last several years, All Good is consistently my favorite. All Good returns to its adopted home state of West Virginia this year and is insanely close to us here in the Tri-State area.

Grab your tickets here (including recently released Saturday only passes) and check out the ridiculous schedule here.

See you at All Good!!